my being single is dangerous.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
