the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
