thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize