no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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