and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
