i permit you to call me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize