And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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