u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
