Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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