I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
