in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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