I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
50% drunk capacity currently
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
