Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
