I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
