I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
