dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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