fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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