What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I look better un-naked...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
