her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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