You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
