I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
