if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
