best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
