Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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