FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
