now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't deserve a penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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