I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
