I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
