I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
