bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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