do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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