toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
