My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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