Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
