I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
