Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
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