People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
