Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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