Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
