i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
