i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
