It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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