I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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