I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
