i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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