His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The air was thick with penises
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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