There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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