Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who died my cat blue again?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
