okay pat passed out under dana's car
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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