Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
