Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
