You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
