then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
