my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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