i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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