think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
