he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
