i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize