Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
