and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
