Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
