puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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