I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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