the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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