i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
