Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
