Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Life is so much better after having sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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