WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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