I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize