All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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