By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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