you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
