Just cropdusted the office
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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