I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
