he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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