tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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