...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Panties = found
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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