just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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