Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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